Perfectionism is a characteristic often noted of gifted children. Parents, educators, and researchers all have different notions about the construct of perfectionism and to what extent it is harmful to gifted children’s self-concept and achievement levels. When perfectionism is conceived as pride in one’s work and striving for excellence, it can be an adaptive motivator for gifted individuals to pursue their goals. Most often, however, perfectionism also consists of maladaptive tendencies, such as harsh self-blame, procrastination, avoidance of challenges, and overgeneralization of failures. The need for perfection may also result in anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming secure relationships as well.

       Since gifted individuals with perfectionistic tendencies may experience some of these negative outcomes, parents and teachers need to better understand the roots of perfectionism and strategies to help children cope. The place to begin is considering different facets of perfectionism. In my research with gifted students, I have examined two types of perfectionism highlighted in Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett’s Multidimensional Model of Perfectionism. This model defines perfectionism in terms of the origin of the standards; do the standards for perfection originate from within the individual (self-oriented perfectionism) or does an individual perceive that others have placed high standards for performance on them (socially prescribed perfectionism)? These two dimensions of perfectionism each develop as a result of different influences, and they also warrant different strategies for intervention.

       In my research I have found that gifted students scoring high on measures of self-oriented perfectionism primarily cite three contributors: their personality, their parents, and their school curriculum. The gifted individuals I have worked indicated that personality was a major contributor to their self-oriented perfectionistic tendencies. The need to be perfect came from within them rather than from external sources, such as parents or teachers. Personal characteristics such as this, however, can be shaped by external influences. For example, the self-oriented perfectionists said that they would benefit from parents and teachers reinforcing in them the need to set realistic standards and goals that centered on self-improvement and mastery rather than perfection. They also indicated that they would benefit from talking with school counselors or with other gifted students with the same tendencies. The desire to set unrealistically high standards may still be present in these children; however, support and a “reality check” from parents and teaches can help ground them.

       In addition to personality characteristics, the self-oriented perfectionists that I worked with also said their perfectionism developed in part through social learning as they observed their parents model perfectionistic behaviors. Each participant in my study spoke of at least one parent who was a perfectionist. While the participants emphasized that their parents never expected perfection out of them, they adopted these tendencies anyway simply through modeling. This finding has definite implications for parents and teachers alike. Does your house or classroom have to be in “perfect” condition all of the time? Do you get visibly upset with yourself when mistakes are made? Children are watching and internalizing such reactions as their own.

       Gifted children need to observe their parents and teachers taking on challenges, making mistakes, and experiencing failures once in awhile. This is how they will learn to appreciate mistakes and failures in a constructive fashion, rather than feeling crippled by anxiety and self-blame. My husband and I always make a point to highlight our mistakes to our daughter, who is constantly watching our reactions to such events. Whether it’s burning dinner, turning white clothes pink in the laundry, or missing a turn and getting lost on the interstate, we point it out, acknowledging our frustrations, but highlighting how mistakes are useful to show us how to improve in the future (next time I’ll use the kitchen timer, next time I will make sure to wash this red shirt separately, etc.). By observing parents and teachers make mistakes and cope with them constructively, gifted children will begin to model these behaviors and strategies rather than perfectionistic ones.

       Finally, self-oriented perfectionists also contributed the development of their perfectionism to the fact that they never had the opportunity to experience failure in the classroom. As gifted individuals, they explained that their elementary school curriculum was too easy for them, and therefore, it required no effort to make perfect grades. Perfection, then, became the standard to follow. As they progressed to secondary school, and the curriculum became more challenging, they found themselves unable to handle potential failure, and therefore, worked even harder than over to maintain their perfect grades. Each one indicated that they would have benefited from a more challenging curriculum early on, for it would have given them experience with learning how to cope with failure and perceive it as constructive. This finding has implications for both parents and teachers working with gifted students. Teachers need to ensure that the curriculum is differentiated appropriately so that all students are being challenged. When failures do occur (and failure to a gifted student may be a B letter grade instead of an A), teachers need to take advantage of this opportunity to teach students how to learn from their mistakes and to put the experience in perspective.

       Parents, likewise, should provide children with the opportunity to “move out of their comfort zone” and try activities that may not come as easily to them. Exposing children to a variety of activities will enable them to realize it is not possible to be perfect at everything one does, nor is it expected. Parents can use these opportunities to monitor their children’s attitudes toward challenge and failure as well as their tendencies for self-blame.

       Similar to the self-oriented perfectionists that I studied, gifted students with socially-prescribed perfectionistic tendencies also credited an inappropriately easy curriculum as one of the contributing factors to their perfectionism. In addition to this, however, these students also cited perceived high demands and expectations from parents, and a feeling that love and acceptance was contingent upon achievement, as main contributors to their perfectionism. Gifted students with parents who adopt an authoritarian parenting style, characterized by a high demands and expectations, and little demonstration of warmth and acceptance of their children, are more likely to develop socially prescribed perfectionism. These children soon begin to equate their self-worth with their achievements. They strive for perfection so as to please their demanding parents. Parents may need to step back and re-evaluate the standards they have set for their children. Are they realistic, or are they exerting too much pressure on the child? Finally, parents may also need to revisit their style of communication with their children. At the end of the day, parents need to ask themselves what did my child do right today and remember to praise him or her for that. It is much easier to notice and comment on problematic behaviors than it is to remember to complement the good. Children need to hear both, so they do not feel as though they can never please their parents.

       Sometimes parents may not view themselves as demanding or setting unrealistic expectations for their children; however, their children may have a different perspective. Communication regarding standards for achievement is critical for parents and children. Open discussions about expectations for achievement will help parents and children set appropriate achievement goals together. Such communication will foster a nurturing relationship in which parents and children perceive themselves as on the same team working toward the same, attainable goal.

       Parents and teachers may also need to repeatedly communicate to gifted children that acceptance and love is not contingent upon achievement. The socially prescribed perfectionists I studied worried that if they did not achieve perfection then their parents would not love them and their teachers think less of them as individuals. This is an easy leap for gifted students; people are so excited by their accomplishments it is no wonder they start to believe that these accomplishments determine their self-worth. The socially prescribed perfectionists that I studied described this link between accomplishments and self-worth as resulting in a fear of failure which led them to procrastinate and avoid challenges. Teachers can help ease the fear of failure soically prescribed perfectionists face by offering assignments that are not graded or graded on improvement rather than final product. Parents can help by expressing love and affection for their children more frequently and especially when the child is engaging in a challenging task. This will help socially prescribed perfectionists realize that regardless of their achievements, their parents and teachers still love and support them.

       Striving for excellence is a trait parents and educators hope all children adopt. When this trait merges into the need for perfection, however, parents and teachers may need to intervene. Understanding how these dimensions of perfectionism may develop and their differential influences on the achievement and psychologically well-being of gifted students will help guide gifted students toward adaptive thoughts and behaviors that facilitate, rather than inhibit, their academic achievement.